


unfair

by hawaiiistayawake



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst (?), I cried a little writing this, M/M, Merry Late Christmas, This Is Sad, i’m sorry lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 22:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13176957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawaiiistayawake/pseuds/hawaiiistayawake
Summary: i wrote this on a long car ride at night, thinking it would be good but it just made me cry





	unfair

“aws, come on,” he enters the room and carefully takes the picture frame out of my hands. 

“i don’t want to go,” i watch as he traces his finger over the picture before putting it back on the nightstand. 

“we promised we would,” he puts his hand on my shoulder. the gesture lost it’s meaning months ago but i’m too afraid to tell him. he’s done nothing but comfort me. 

“i know, but i still don’t want to.”

“we haven’t seen them for months.”

“i miss them.” 

“i do too. which is why we should go. i think you’ll have fun.” he turns to leave the room but lingers before going into our room. 

i pick the picture frame back up and look down at the young, innocent, happy face staring back up at me. 

“i miss you, baby. i love you.”

i set the picture down then leave to get ready.

the drive to the party is silent, save for the traditional christmas music droning softly from the radio. at the stoplights, he taps his finger apprehensively on the wheel. i can tell he’s just as nervous as i am.  
we haven’t seen our friends since the funeral. at least not face to face. we went on a vacation in hopes of lifting our spirits and we video chatted a few them every now and then. other than that, it’s been strictly texts and phone calls. 

i have a feeling that this party was only thrown to get us to come out of the house for something other than groceries. i don’t remember the last time both of us were out at the same time. 

he goes out far more often than i do. after it happened, he’s taken on the role of the head of the house; making meals, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, etc. he’s gone out of his way to take care of me and make sure i’m not relapsing back to my self-destructive behaviours. 

it’s sweet, but nothing he does keeps me from having nightmares every night. the kind that keeps me from sleeping and wakes me up in the middle of the night, crying. it also doesn’t do anything for my mental breakdowns. i’ve lost track of how many times i’ve cried on the floor in his arms over something insignificant. everything reminds me of her. my babygirl. 

“you’ll be okay. if you need to go home, let me know,” he puts his hand on my knee when we pull into the driveway. 

“i’m scared,” i tell him honestly. my voice is small and i can’t seem to swallow the lump in my throat. 

“i know. i am too. but everything will go fine. just try to have fun.” 

i don’t answer. a part of me doesn’t believe him. another part of me just wants to get this over with. all of me wants her back and for everything to back to the way it was. 

he opens my door and holds out his hand. i take it and we want into the house, hand in hand. he gives me a gentle squeeze before knocking on the door three times.  
our fiery haired friend opens the door with a wide smile. at the sight of him, my heart aches. he was with us in the room when she died. he welcomes us inside and takes the platter of cookies from my hands. 

i look around the room filled with people and instrumental christmas music. one of them sees us and yells a greeting, which the rest of them follow in doing. 

on the love seat by the fire is my best friend. his curly hair bounces as he turns to look at us. his face lights up and he jumps off the couch to come greet us. he hugs me for longer and i have to push away, otherwise i’ll start to cry. he was with us the whole time. before and up to the day it happened.

“how are you doing?” he asks quietly. 

“i —“ 

“we’re doing better. still not quite there, but getting there.” geoff interrupts, answering for me. 

“i’m glad. i can’t tell you how sorry i am. i loved her like a daughter and i think about her everyday,” otto smiles sympathetically. 

“you loved her like a daughter? you? can you imagine how i felt? how i still feel? i miss her all the time and i would give anything to spare a minute of thought for anything other than her! you have no idea what it’s like, you have —“

“awsten. not now. please,” geoff grabs my wrist. the look in his eyes is almost desperate. 

“i’m so sorry, man. i’m just really tired and it’s still fucking with my head. i didn’t mean that,” i apologise. 

he shakes his head, “don’t be sorry. i totally understand.” 

i nod and give him a short hug before heading into the dining room. the table is covering in plates of christmas themed desserts. i take a cookie but put it back on the plate. 

i fill a cup with water and walk into the main room. people are talking, drinking, and swaying to the music. i take a seat on the couch and lean on the arm. after a few minutes, grace comes over and sits next to me. 

“i have a feeling that i’m the last person you want to see right now but i want you to know that everyone in this room cares for you. that means that we’re all here for you,” she says quietly. i nod my head and she sighs, but leaves to go back to otto who’s talking with lucas.

all of my friends and my fiancé are here but i still feel so lonely. trevor smiles at me from across the room and i smile back. he doesn’t come over to talk to me though. i’m not surprised. 

i’ve been so cold and distant, even to geoff. i can’t help it. dakota was the missing piece to complete happiness. her and geoff were my whole world. 

we adopted her four years ago, when she was six. she was the kindest, smartest, and most mellow kid i’d ever met. as soon as we met her, we fell in love with her.  
she adapted to our lives quicker than we thought she would. she warmed up to all of our friends as quickly as she did to us.  
we’d been told right off the bat that she’d had health problems all her life. her mom had died in a car accident and she was born prematurely. she was a fighter though, and that was obviously when we met her. 

she got sick quite often, but it never got worse than the stomach flu. that led us to believe that we didn’t have anything to worry about. 

we were at a baseball game when she had her first episode. she fainted and when she came to, she was having difficulty breathing. 

from there, it kept getting worse. she had a constant fever and was rapidly losing weight. we took her to the hospital when she fainted in the bathroom and hit her head on the tile floor. we were told she had a cardiac tumor that was inoperable.  
we started her on chemo nonetheless. i was determined not to lose her. we helped her shave her head. we brought in all of her stuff from home. we stayed with her day and night. i was so focused on taking care of her i forgot to take care of myself.  
she died the month after her ninth birthday. geoff and i were in the room. jawn and otto were there too. i was in shock. 

we had her funeral several months later.  
geoff turned into a clean freak and i collapsed in on myself. i stayed in bed for weeks and eventually, geoff dragged me out. we went on that vacation but nothing helped. 

it’s been over a year and this is our second christmas without her but it feels like yesterday she was a little girl with bright blue eyes and no cares in the world. 

“geoff? can we leave?” i tap him on the shoulder, interrupting his conversation with zakk. 

“yeah,” he nods. zakk gives me a short nod and a small smile. 

before we can leave, jawn grabs my shoulder. he hands me a small box and tells me that it’s from all of them. inside is a picture of him, otto, zakk, grace, gracie, trevor, chloe, geoff, me, and dakota from her eighth birthday party. a tag is attached that reads “we love you dakota knight. we’ll never forget you.”

it’s cheesy, but it’s thoughtful and makes my heart swell. i hug him tightly and thank him tearfully. 

on the way home, we stop by the cemetary. we leave our own present for her. a little locket with the three of us inside. we talk to her for a little while, telling her what she’s missed. 

geoff kisses his hand and lays his palm flat on the cold stone. i whisper goodbye and, unlike the first time i said it to her, i’m ready to leave. 

a weight on my heart lifts and i burst into tears when i walk into the house. 

“what’s wrong babe?” he takes my hand swiftly. 

“i’m ready to let go,” i look up at him, “let’s clean out her room.”

he smiles and nods. it takes us until one in the morning, but i feel better once we’re done. the next afternoon, we take the boxes and donate her clothes and toys. i hold onto a few things, including the framed picture of the three of us from her nightstand. 

i’ll never stop missing her, but that doesn’t mean that i have to hurt all the time.


End file.
